Getting Motivated
By Your Problems

Here is a story that is intended to help you on getting motivated to get organized.

Last night was nearly the worst night of my life.

It started out as a pleasant night with my kids.

My ex dropped them off at my place after their church about 6:00 p.m. The three of us went to the video store to rent a movie. It was my daughter's turn to pick. Every time we watch a movie, we take turns. That way there is no fighting about movies. Each person's turn will be coming.

She picked the new movie, Fame. Good movie.

We went through the drive thru at McDonald's for a dinner.

All good so far.

After the movie around 9:30 I called my ex to see if she was home. Normally, I just take the kids back on the nights I have them. They don't stay over at my place that much.

My ex said she wasn't home, that she was out with a friend. She said that she was planning on staying out a little longer but would come by to pick up the kids.

Fine with me. The kids and I played the board game, Farkle, and sat around and talked.

I had them go to bed about 11:00 p.m. My ex called a few more times to give me her status. I said everything was fine, the kids were sleeping, and you can just go home.

She eventually got to my place around midnight. She wanted to wake the kids up and take them home.

I should have just said ok.

This is where the story turns from good to bad.

This is where the getting motivated part comes in.

Because this is where the trouble started.

I suggested that the kids should just stay, they were sleeping well and I said, why wake them?

We went back and forth on this for over an hour.

She worked the talk back to how I should give her another chance. That I should give our marriage another try. She is still hanging onto our dead marriage. She has not been getting motivated to move on.

I said I will not go back to her. That it is not going to happen.

Around 2 am I had had enough of her and asked her to leave. I know that nothing was going to change. I was getting motivated to go to bed. I kept looking at my watch, hoping she would get the hint.

She wouldn't leave. She asked if she could sleep on my couch. I said no. I want you to leave, either alone, the best, or with the kids.

She wouldn't just leave. She was getting all riled up. I was getting afraid of what she might do. Our divorce has not been an easy split up at all.

At some point I told her if she wouldn't leave, I would call the cops. Hoping that this would help her with getting motivated to leave.

I really did not want to call the cops. No good ever comes from that. It's just that I did not know what else I could do.

If you ask someone to leave your home and they won't what can you do?

That is the question isn't it?

That is what I need to know, to determine. I am getting motivated to find out.

Looking back on it today I can see all kinds of missteps I had taken.

I should have just helped her get the kids into the car right at midnight. End of story.

But my pride got in the way. I wanted to see the kids in the morning. Have them a little longer. Seeing your favorite people in the whole world a little longer shouldn't be that much to ask should it?

We have a court order as to the kids. The court says that I have them every other Saturday night. I thought that would mean something to her.

I want to get my way with her sometimes. Why should she get to decide everything?

The worst is trying to engage her in discussion. I still have the need to explain myself to her. I need her to understand what she did to me. I need her to understand why I left.

I thought I could tell her those things and she might be interested. She might begin to understand.

She keeps saying she wants me back, insisting on it. She is hung up on the commitment. If that is so, shouldn't she want to know what I think?

If she wants me back and doesn't care what I think, why would I want to go back?

I told her over and over that I do not love her anymore. That I do not like her anymore. That I do not want to be with her. That I cannot be with her.

No good ever comes of extra talking with her.

The last thing I want is to have her in my apartment. She is like the thing that wouldn't leave.

That is why I like to go to the house and get the kids, help with homework at their house, drop them off and pick them up. I can always leave if the situation is bad. I have done that many times. I go there, help the kids with their homework and go. I am present in their life. I am always ready to leave their house, though. I am getting motivated.

If she is at my place, how can I leave?

The situation wasn't looking good for me. I looked at her face and it was all I could do not to throw her out. I was doing everything I could to remain calm.

I thought about calling the cops.

I thought about hitting her.

I thought about throwing her down the stairs.

I was thinking about doing all those things.

It would have been so easy to slip into that place. I can see how easily it can happen. I am a gentle man. I am good natured and do not want to hurt anyone. Yet here I was actively thinking about it.

The violence of hitting her or throwing her down the stairs.

The brutality and humiliation of having the police show up and put us both in handcuffs and haul us away.

I chose to just stay calm and look away until she left. I kept my back to her and waited.

The time seemed like an eternity.

My world would have been turned upside down and destroyed if I would have acted out on my impulse to hit her or call the cops.

My children were sleeping only a few feet away.

I used my imagination for getting motivated to stay in control.

I imagined them waking up to see their father beating up their mother.

I imagined them waking up to see the cops hauling us both off.

Doing what I was thinking about doing would have ruined 4 lives.

When she finally left, I went to bed knowing this, and knowing that this could have easily been the worst night of my life.

What does this have to do with organizing?

A lot.

You need to use huge problems like this and small frustrations in your life as your getting motivated fuel.

It has to do with being in control of yourself, your life, your surroundings and your time.

When you have to deal with someone like my ex you will have to constantly be on your guard. You really can never relax around people like that. If you do, they will take advantage. I know all this; I have been dealing with her for years. But I do want to relax. Life can be difficult enough without this type of problem.

What I am saying is use your problems for getting motivated to do something about them. Use your frustrations for getting motivated to be aware of them.

If you do have to deal with people that are difficult, you need to do it in a way that is good for you.

You need to be ready to leave in an instant. Park your car in such a way that it is easy to drive off. Leave your shoes on if you can. Keep your coat handy.

You need to have an exit strategy.

You can never get comfortable around people like that.

You need to find ways to avoid having them be in your home.

You need to avoid them as much as possible.

You need to remain calm around them.

You need to keep your head and your wits.

You cannot let your emotions control you.

You do not want to argue with them because it only makes things worse.

Use my sad story for your own getting motivated needs. I hope you do not have to deal with people and situations like I do. But I have a feeling that lots of people do.

Keep this type of thing in mind and start getting motivated to improve your life.

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