Pain and
Goal Setting

Often people will struggle with goal setting. They will not know what types of things they should do for goals. I know that it is difficult for some people to be able to describe what they want. Another way to frame this is to describe what you don't want. And what you don't want is physical pain and emotionally painful experiences.

In order to have a good life you will spend time in goal setting and you will have to take steps to minimize pain in your life.

I don't think people realize how much pain controls them. If you have some sort of pain, whether it be physical pain, emotional, or mental. Pain will be all you can feel and everything else is secondary.

I have had all types of pain and know how controlling it is. You just cannot block it out all the time. It controls you.

Right now, I have a painful toothache. It is a dull ache most of the time, with occasional searing pain when I have something hot or cold. It is always there. I need to get to the dentist to do something about it.

When I was with my wife in the months before I left, the pain of how she was treating me was all I could think about. Any other goals I had were pushed back. Any activities I did, I did not enjoy. Life was just about getting through it. I was always just hoping that things would be ok, that she would be in a good mood.

Think of that. Months and years of my life wasted on the pain of a bad marriage. Those months, those years I cannot get back.

I wish I had left much earlier. I try not to beat myself up over this, but it is hard.

There is not much sympathy available. No one really knows how much I had to take except me.

I am just writing this to let you know, that I care about you. I care that you are in pain. I want you to do whatever you can to get out of the pain.

Another way to look at pain is how the having it will point out what you really want. Use the pain as a guide in goal setting.

Just think of it this way, when you have some sort of pain, the thing you think about the most is getting rid of the pain. Then when the pain is gone, you forget all about it unless you take conscious steps to remember.

For example, one of my big goals is to buy or lease a 4 wheel drive vehicle. Either a pickup truck or a Sport Utility Vehicle. Not because I want it to look cool, or I like spending money on gas, or to go off roading. No, I want it to be safer in winter.

I had a terrible experience a few years ago in northern Wisconsin. It was just a nightmare of terrible driving conditions during a blizzard and a 4 wheel drive was what I needed. I cannot even think of driving up north in the winter anymore until I get one.

That is an example of a painful experience clarifying what I truly need and why. I wrote all this down in my goals list. So the memory of the experience is still there. I am using the terrifying experience as fuel for goal setting.

This really works well if you are in a relationship that is going poorly. You need to keep track by writing down what is happening and how you are feeling. I did this when my marriage was going bad. Looking back, it was going badly long before I started keeping track, but the pain was so intense, that once things got better, I forgot all about the problems until they happened again.

Once I started keeping track of the bad, I could see the patterns and how often it was happening. I needed the information to prove to myself that what I was doing was right.

You will notice, I said prove it to myself. I never showed this to anyone. But, you will know the truth of what is happening and the truth will set you free.

So take your painful experiences and use them to determine what your goals should be.

It is almost like pain is trying to teach you a lesson. Write down your painful experiences and reframe it as a lesson in goal setting.

My lesson with the toothache should be that I should see the dentist twice a year and buy dental insurance. I know all this. This is common knowledge. Getting a cleaning and exam once or twice a year is important. Having insurance or cash available is important also, because of the potentially high cost.

I just haven't done it. Because I did not want to spend the money on the dentist. Now I am suffering and in pain. The pain is trying to teach me what to do. Now, by writing an article about it I will have no excuse about not remembering to do those things. That is the lesson.

Remembering the terror of driving in a blizzard in an old car without 4 wheel drive is the memory I want to keep for what type of vehicle I should get next.

I want that terrifying memory first, not the gas mileage or the thought that others think I'm selfish because I have a big 4 wheel drive.

Use your pain to drive you to your goal setting ideas. It is almost as good of a motivator as what you want.

Just flip the thought to What could you buy, do or have that will help you to avoid painful experiences. That is the lesson for goal setting.

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