Acknowledge Your Pain
Get My Life In Order
You may ask how do I get my life in order? What should I do, what should I think about?
My website has lots of ideas in getting things done and organizing tips. But having a good life also means you will also have to come to terms with past hurts and painful episodes to get your life in order.
Maybe this story will help you see what I mean.
When I was about 12 years old we lived on a small farm a little south of town. I loved living on the farm, the open fields, the feeling of being a farmer, the chores and caring for the animals. I also loved it because we were basically alone most of the time.
I would go into town once in awhile to hang out with kids from school. But I did not do that very much. I was more into being alone. I never thought I fit in or belonged.
At that time I had glasses, the big old ugly glasses that were so prevalent during the 1970's. Of course if you did not need glasses that was best.
I also had braces.
I also was fat.
In spite of all these good things that I had going for me, I was shy, self conscious and had low self esteem. Who would have thought?
I still wanted to belong though and have friends. That urge is strong even if you are a so-called loser.
Anyway, I rode my bike up town one evening in the summer. I was hanging out with the guys and not having that bad of a time when something happened that changed my life forever.
I have to say that I have not said this to anyone in my life, except maybe hinting at it to my kids. What happened is traumatic to me and I can still feel the pain of being a 12 year old boy just trying to fit in.
A guy, named Mark Franklin, one year older than me, who was one of the cool guys probably just trying to be more cool, looked at me and said to everyone there:
Man, that Herbie (my nickname) is one unlucky kid. He's got glasses, braces, he's fat and he's ugly.
Those kinds of hurtful words stick with a person forever. They certainly stuck with me all these years. It's been 33 years and the memory is just like it happened yesterday.
Obviously, I knew I had glasses, braces and was fat. I was self conscious of this all the time. What I did not know is that people considered me ugly. I was ugly too?
I thought that the braces will come off sometime. I need the glasses to see, so I don't really have a choice. Good looking glasses had not been invented yet. Maybe I will lose some weight sometime.
But ugly? I don't think I considered myself ugly before that.
His words struck me like a knife. These were powerful words that cut right into the heart of me.
He was just a kid. I was just a kid. You would think I could get over this. I am still trying to get my life in order.
Those words stick even though quite a few people have said over the years that I am handsome. I don't know. I am happy to look at myself in the mirror most of the time but the words still bite. The pain is still there.
It is just one more thing to try to get past.
What I am saying is that my life would have been better if I would not have heard this from him. This would not have affected me in a negative way.
The kid who said this to me moved away shortly after this happened so I never got a chance to find out if he would be different. Sometimes when kids tease and taunt each other there is a friendliness about it. As time goes by better memories replace the bad memories. Bad words and taunts are replaced by good words and friendliness. The person may recognize what they said was wrong and would make amends by being nice.
That did not happen in my case, because he moved away. My last memory of that kid is the cruel words that haunt me to this day. This does not leave my thoughts.
I don't think I ever called anyone a name in my entire life. I just don't have it in me. I don't think I had it in me before this incident, but certainly after how these words affected me, I would not knowingly say anything so cruel. So being kind is part of my life in order.
These were just words, though. No one hit me, or beat me. Just words.
But in spite of telling myself that all this time and all these years, it is still there. I still have to try to get my life in order in spite of this memory.
I do have to thank you for reading this. Writing this out in this way does make me feel better somehow. It is almost like the act of writing is helping to get my life in order.
Return from Life in Order to A Better Life.
Return from Life in Order to Organized-Way.
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