Life Organized
Leaving Bad Relationships

I left my wife over two years ago. I had to get my life organized and live for myself.

A great relationship is one where two people truly loved and respect each other. To have your life organized means to think for yourself and see if your marriage or relationship is good for you.

Sometimes I think my ex-wife only loved the idea of being married. The things she said to me, the harsh words, cruel tone, condescension, ridicule and sarcasm doesn't make it seem like she gave any value to me as a person.

How could she say that she loved and respected me one minute and treat me like dirt the next?

Why do I feel guilty for leaving her even though it was the only way to save myself and get my self-respect back and my life organized?

Why does she still try to use guilt to try to convince me to come back?

She tries to say the things she thinks I want to hear. But I know that it is only for awhile, but I know that the real her will come back someday.

I don't want to be there when she comes back. It may not happen for years, but by then I would be a much older man and would have even a harder time leaving than when I did.

The best simple, clutter free advice I can give to anyone to get your life organized is this:

When your relationship starts to go bad, GET OUT NOW!

Waiting doesn't help. I waited for years. I waited for her father's surgeries to be done. I waited for her mother's surgery to be done. I waited for her sister's surgery to be done. I waited for my daughter's first communion. I waited for school to be out for summer. I waited for months and months for her to see the light and treat me better.

Those years are gone. My life is gone. I can still feel the pain, the sadness, the emptiness. The wanting to have a good, loving wife and my life organized around my family.

When your wife loses respect for you, you're done. Leave. She will make your life a living hell.

The sooner you leave, the sooner you can start to put your life back together.

The reasons she lost respect do not matter anymore. It might have been something you did. It is probably not your fault. The way the world is now, it is very difficult for men to not have women lose respect for them. It just happens.

You will feel guilt, if you have kids and even if you don't. The pressure will be enormous on you to come back, for the kids.

But I was not being a good father by staying. I was only showing my kids how to take abuse. I was showing them both sides of a bad marriage. Their mother was dishing out the abuse and I was taking it.

Both wrong.

Leaving was the only thing I could do. Maybe someone else could do something else. I chose to leave and I stand by the decision.

I was not able to reason with her. I could not convince her to be nice. This is all I asked her to do, be nice. She could not. I was trying to explain to her one day that her treatment of me was hurting me. I was really hurting and wanted her to stop and think about what she was doing. She got all huffy and gave me a paper and pen and told me to write what I wanted her to do. I just wrote, be nice, and gave it back to her. She read it and threw the pad back in my face and said, I can't do that. I took her at her word and eventually left. I have been trying to get my life organized and together ever since

There comes a time when you have to decide to do whatever you feel is right. Not what others think is right, what you think is right.

I felt it was right to leave. I had leave but I was not able to actually go through with it.

When I did leave, it was traumatic and awful. It was not a nice, amicable split; it was a devastating, messy, painful disaster.

But it happened and all four of us are fine.

I just do not want to face that kind of misery and pain again.

Ever.

Read about my story and my advice to on how to decide if you need to leave your wife here:

How to Leave Your Wife

My ex-wife will call from time to time and try to convince me to come back. She says that she has changed. She'll usually call after talking with some well-meaning, but uninformed person who says that they cannot believe that a man would leave his wife; all that matters is the family, and doesn't he think of the kids.

Well, I guess I have explained my thoughts here already. Those people do not know the story. They never bothered to ask. So, they don't know.

I will talk to her and throw out a few feelers to see if it is possible that she has really changed. I don't want to go back but I think it would help her with the next guy.

I'll say something like I really can't go through all the misery you put me through again. I can't take it.

She'll deny that anything was wrong, and besides she's changed.

Well, nothing has changed. She cannot even admit that she did anything at all wrong. If a person doesn't think they did anything wrong, why would they change?

What does this have to do with clutter free relationships and having your life organized? Just this, no matter how much stuff you get rid of, no matter how productive and efficient you are, no matter how much money you have, if your relationship with your wife, husband, partner, significant other is not great, or at least good with mutual respect, kindness and happiness for both members then your life will be a mess. You will not have a great life or even a tolerable life.

I would gladly live in a cluttered, messy home if I could be living with a woman who loved me unconditionally, respected me and treated me with kindness. Having your life organized means knowing what you want.

It is very difficult to cope with some people. I have found that there are certain types of people that are best to avoid for me.

I have to avoid my ex-wife for example. All the reasons I had to leave her have not changed. Every time I spend any time with her it reinforces why I left.

You may ask why do I spend any time at all with her then?

Because of the kids. That's all.

I want to be around them and sometimes being around them means I have to be around their mother. I have made the tradeoff for some discomfort around my ex to spend some time with my kids. I love them, need them, they are part of my life organized idea.

The other Sunday my daughter was singing in the church choir. I don't go to church anymore except to hear her sing or maybe Christmas. I don't miss church at all. Anyway, I picked the kids and my ex at 8:15 am. My daughter had to be at the church at 8:30 to practice for the 9 am mass.

All that went fine, the service went ok and we had a good view of our daughter singing. I drove them home and they asked me in for awhile. My ex and daughter made some snacks. They asked if I wanted to watch the Packer game at their house. I do not have cable TV or a good antenna at that time so I do not watch TV at my place.

I decided that I would. I did go home to change, it was only about 10:30 am at the time.

I got to their house right about noon for the game. They had some snacks and my daughter and I had a good time playing around and watching the game.

My ex was fine to me until about 2. I guess 2 hours is the limit of her niceness. She started in on me about how I should come back and that people cannot believe I won't try to work it out. She said with the economy the way it is that couples are staying together to share expenses.

It usually comes back to money. She wants all my money, not just most of it. Why would a person want to be married to someone if the other does not want to be? How can that be called a good marriage? It can't. It is just a marriage of convenience. Some people may call that being a whore. It sure isn't thinking for yourself and your idea of getting your life organized and wonderful.

I went from feeling great, laughing with my daughter, enjoying the snacks and the game, to feeling worthless and upset.

I could feel the old feelings of despair welling up in just an instant. It was incredible how one person can literally destroy the mood of another in a few seconds.

I got up and left before I could sink any deeper.

Leaving is one of the best ways to improve your situation and get your life organized.

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