Life Organizer
You Are In Charge

I wish I had known that I was my own best life organizer when I was younger and thinking about getting married. If I could turn back the clock and not got married I could have saved myself years of pain and frustration. But I didn't. I went through it all. I have survived, but I would not wish the painful parts of my marriage on anyone.

I think the early part of my marriage was really good. It was a whirlwind but I really enjoyed being married.

But as the years slipped by I did get frustrated with my wife some of the time.

Eventually things were not right at all. It's just that I did not really understand what was wrong. Her moods and anger came and went. She became harder and harder to get along with.

But we were married and I never thought of leaving. I deferred my happiness to her. I let her be my life organizer.

I did not really understand how bad it was on me because it just got slowly worse over time.

I think that is what happens to a lot of people. They don't realize how bad it is. They just get used to it.

How do you even know if you are in bad relationship? What is the definition? Maybe, you think, you are just being selfish. Maybe, you are wrong. Maybe you should just shut up and pretend to be happy.

If you have a feeling that something isn't right in your relationship, you at least need to examine it.

You need to expose your relationship to the light. You cannot just stick your head in the sand like I did for so many years.

What really helped me was to spend plenty of time thinking about our relationship by myself. My wife did not seem interested in me. Her idea of talking about our marriage was telling me how I was wrong and messing everything up.

I have written an eBook the goes over my struggle with deciding to leave my wife. Read about this book here:

How to Leave Your Wife

What you need to do is concentrate on your life and your personal development. You just cannot hope to live a good life without concentrating on your own happiness.

What I suggest you do is also read these two books in addition to my book. These books will help you decide what to do to be your own life organizer. The first is:

Too Good to Leave, Too Bad to Stay: A Step-by-Step Guide to Help You Decide Whether to Stay In or Get Out of Your Relationship by Mira Kirshenbaum

The second is:

Bailing Out: The Sane Way to Get Out of a Doomed Relationship and Survive with Hope and Self-Respect by Barry Lubetkin

Read them and then reread them. And read again the parts that make sense to you. Do the exercises as much as you can, by yourself, obviously. If you read these books in front of your partner, they will probably be enraged. I read these books at the library and the bookstore.

Without reading these books and going through a lot of material on-line I don't think I could have left my wife. I would still be under her thumb and on the way to an early grave. In fact I was already numb; it was like being dead already.

Your life is too important not to think about, isn't it? Why shouldn't you have a good life? Be your own best friend and life organizer.

I used to think my life was just not that important. I thought everyone else was more important. Guess what? That's what I got. Everyone else was more important.

I finally woke up. This was not a jumping out of bed and being enthused to start the day kind of wake up though. Just a roll over, hit the snooze a few times kind of wake up. No it was just a little by little, day by day kind of realizing that things were not right. Things did not get better; they only got worse and worse.

Only by leaving did things get better.

Not by talking to her. That didn't work. Whenever I tried to talk to her she would just turn it around on me. Then things would be a lot worse.

Not by counseling. I went with her to one counseling session. The counselor basically told her that we were beyond help. Besides, what are you going to do, have the counselor there 24/7?

Not by the grace of god or some other stupid saying didn't help. There is no god in a bad marriage. God will not be there for you to be your life organizer.

Not by friends or family stepping in and helping. I never reached out to them. I don't know what they would have done anyway. They did not have any influence over her. Besides I did not want them to see us in that way. I just thought she should be nice to me. That didn't seem too much to ask. That part of being a life organizer seemed pretty simple to me. Not to her, though.

Although, I will say that having my young son stand up for me during one her tirades was one of the most courageous and inspiring things I have ever seen. I had long since given up trying to stand up for myself to her. I would just sit there and listen to her, take it, until she wore herself out. This was the way I coped. I just went numb and tried not to listen.

Most of the time she abused me when we were alone, after the kids were in bed. But there were times when her abuse spilled out in front of the kids.

I guess my son had heard enough from his mother how bad of a dad and person I was and tried to get her to stop. That was one of the lowest points in my life and a big reason I started to think about leaving.

I found some courage from a little ten year old boy to eventually leave.

I did not want to keep showing my son that being a husband meant you had to be a doormat. That being married meant you had to listen to your wife's rage and her abuse.

I did not want to show my daughter that a wife needs to chastise her husband and treat him like a sub-human. I love my daughter and cannot imagine her screaming at anyone and telling her husband how worthless he is. What if the guy snaps and hurts her? A lot of men are not so slow to turn against their wives and will act out their frustration with violence.

You do not need anyone's permission to leave either.

Not your spouses.

Not your parents.

Not her parents.

Not your kids.

Not your friends.

Not the church.

Not a counselor.

You decide. You are your own life organizer.

Do yourself a huge favor and read those two books. And for your safety, DO NOT read these in front of your spouse. Here they are again:

If your spouse will not let you have enough free time to yourself, to read two books, to spend some time alone for yourself, I guess you already know that your relationship is over.

Some people have a very low tolerance for pain and frustration. These are the people who get divorced weeks to a few years after marriage. These people are more self aware than most.

They realize that their own happiness is the most important thing to them. They are their own best life organizer.

Realize that you are in charge of your life, you are your own life organizer and you decide what is right for you.

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